the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
