oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
