I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
