his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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