I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
