I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
