How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
