Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
