What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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