I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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