A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
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