so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
