if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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