ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
