Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
