if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
