last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
