I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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