saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
