Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
