you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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