Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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