i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
