Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
