dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
