can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
