Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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