it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
