I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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