At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
