Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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