I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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