So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize
