Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
