I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
