I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
