what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
