Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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