thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
