Are we in a gay sports bar?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
