Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
