I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
it's like heaven, but drunker
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
