meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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