I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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