kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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