Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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