but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
kristin has been a bad kristin
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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