she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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