I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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