I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
