Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
