Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
