he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He shit in the fireplace
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