for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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